Some thoughts for unpaired people on this day for pairs;
- There isn’t someone for everyone.
- People can lead fulfilling lives as standalone entities.
- Being alone is a viable choice.
I wish someone had shared such wisdom with me 20 years ago. It would have saved a good deal of bother for a lot of people. And I could have gotten on with my life rather sooner, had I not spent so much time believing that humans must exist in pairs.
I’m not cut out for relationships. I’m not especially cut out for friendships – they work best when I see people seldom. I get along with people fine; I’m friendly, compassionate, welcoming and confident in talking with just about anyone – a handy skill when on random adventures. However, intimacy of any sort eludes me.
I don’t know why this is – perhaps I exude an aura of alien-ness that causes discomfort if people are around me too much. Or perhaps it’s the odour. Don’t know. But do know that I have no interest in analysing why I am as I am or why my life is as it is. I no longer feel a need to seek to ‘fix’ myself – for I am not broken.
If you are alone, and without family, it can be easy to feel sorry for yourself. Why am I unmarried, without children? Why can’t I sustain relationships?
What’s wrong with me?
I know I’m not alone in feeling like that from time to time. However, as I’ve grown older, I’ve got better at giving myself a stern talking to when I notice that I’m wandering into the Town of Maudlin (pop. 1). Don’t dwell on what isn’t; life is better when you concentrate your energy on what you can, and want to, achieve. This is what I’m deciding to do with my mature years. I’m turning to studying, to writing, to setting up a consultancy business and many and divers other things. A happy side effect of this enrichment is that my brain has so much to keep it occupied that it has little space for Oh Woe Is Me. I’m developing healthier habits of Being.
Not having a ‘significant other’ does not one a failure make. Some of us have relationships and families and others of us have cats, books and lots of time to think. And that’s great. Just because more people take the former path doesn’t make it better; regardless of what TV, films and the press might have you think. Once upon a time those taking the latter path (if women) would have been named Witch. Although that term is embraced by many today, and is not deemed an insult, it is indicative of the stigma attached to being a woman alone – a stigma that I believe prevails in modern times.
So this Valentine’s Day, if you are with a loved one – then have a splendid time. And if you are a single, then embrace your completeness and enjoy a bit of Witchery (or Warlockery). There’s plenty of fun to be had in the world without needing a second person to share it with.