Bad days

Unhappy birthday to me

Had a birthday at the weekend. Woo hoo. Don’t mean to be ungrateful. People were nice. Gave hugs, wished Happy Birthday, bought me a pint, spent time with me, got me cards. I’m alive to see 44. Lots of people aren’t. All that. It’s four and a half years since I started this blog. Ostensibly […]

Time slowed

Every day lasts a thousand years when your heart is heavy with sadness. No blue sky, bird song nor flittering butterfly can bring respite. Choose happiness! they say. Take joy in mindful moments! they say. Just. Try. Harder. I reach out for a moment, however small it eludes me. Sorrow’s anchor remains firmly chained to my […]

Why a marathon for Mental Health

Mental health isn’t a sexy topic. Organisations that support people with mental health problems don’t get the same level of exposure as (for eg) cancer, children’s or animal welfare charities. This reflects how mental health is viewed in society. Despite poor mental health affecting nearly everyone at some point in their lives, people with mental […]

She wears colourful jumpers

She still wears colourful jumpers. She likes to watch Columbo in the afternoons. In the evenings, she watches Cops and delights when the bad guys get tasered. She wants pancakes for breakfast. She talks about the caravan holidays we used to take in Great Yarmouth. She laughs as she recalls that photo of us with comedy […]

Alone. With tears. And never giving in.

Sometimes it’s tiring, trying to be a wonder-person. Life is tiring. Life’s trials and tribulations are tiring. Trying to be upbeat all the time. Inspiring others. Getting done the things that need to get done. Living in debt. Being hungry. Being cold. Working to get work. Being strong. Being independent. Keeping up the appearance of […]

The girl who had worms in her brain: hospital diary

Written – as a record of my symptoms (for the doctors) – whilst being treated in the Royal London hospital, 2004. Gives a flavour of what it’s like to experience a mild brain injury. These are my own, unedited, words – as scribbled on the back of notes I’d been given about my condition. After […]

The Debt Demons are Coming for You, Coming for You, Coming for You

It starts early. 7am. The shriek of the phone shocks you awake. A riot of sound, destroyer of peace. Menacing phone. Hated phone. Ringing and ringing and ringing and ringing shrieking and screaming and screaming and shrieking And screaming and screaming and screaming and SCREAMING! Wracking every nerve. If you answer, if you dare answer […]

On being rescued from shark infested waters

Have you noticed how much easier it is to give help than to receive it? I imagine this is due to the location of power in that relationship. It’s generally better to be in a position to help than to be in a position of needfulness. Most people would prefer, I’m sure, to be the […]

Broken

Today my snow globe broke. Scattering sparkles and shards of glass all over the bathroom floor. Sparkly bathroom floor. The last loo roll soaked. Drenched in snow globe innards. Today three letters came at once. Three letters with one message. The Order of Possession. It’s not unfair. It’s just the rules. Having a home is […]

Tips for mental wellbeing.

This evening, I’ve mostly been chain-eating corn thins. (For the uninitiated, they’re like rice cakes, but with extra cardboard.) Well, it’s been a busy week, full of travelling – to exotic locations such as Newmarket, and Birmingham – so I felt the treat was deserved. It’s the small things, isn’t it? I had a bath […]