Tag Archive | Depression

Unhappy birthday to me

Had a birthday at the weekend. Woo hoo. Don’t mean to be ungrateful. People were nice. Gave hugs, wished Happy Birthday, bought me a pint, spent time with me, got me cards. I’m alive to see 44. Lots of people aren’t. All that. It’s four and a half years since I started this blog. Ostensibly […]

Time slowed

Every day lasts a thousand years when your heart is heavy with sadness. No blue sky, bird song nor flittering butterfly can bring respite. Choose happiness! they say. Take joy in mindful moments! they say. Just. Try. Harder. I reach out for a moment, however small it eludes me. Sorrow’s anchor remains firmly chained to my […]

Alone. With tears. And never giving in.

Sometimes it’s tiring, trying to be a wonder-person. Life is tiring. Life’s trials and tribulations are tiring. Trying to be upbeat all the time. Inspiring others. Getting done the things that need to get done. Living in debt. Being hungry. Being cold. Working to get work. Being strong. Being independent. Keeping up the appearance of […]

Adventures with Generous Publicans and Practical Christians

Sometimes, there’s too much too say for a status update or a tweet, and for such times were blogs invented. This evening, in the stead of eating (which is over-rated anyway, and, as it transpired, there did go on to be biscuits) I did two things; attended a meeting with the organisers of a forthcoming […]

The girl who had worms in her brain: interlude

There’s this thing that happens. I suspect it’s a universal law. I only find stuff when I’m looking for other stuff. Recently, I found my passport when looking for a dongle, and found the dongle when looking for a printer driver. (I’m yet to turn up the printer driver.) This is likely to be connected […]

The Debt Demons are Coming for You, Coming for You, Coming for You

It starts early. 7am. The shriek of the phone shocks you awake. A riot of sound, destroyer of peace. Menacing phone. Hated phone. Ringing and ringing and ringing and ringing shrieking and screaming and screaming and shrieking And screaming and screaming and screaming and SCREAMING! Wracking every nerve. If you answer, if you dare answer […]

On being rescued from shark infested waters

Have you noticed how much easier it is to give help than to receive it? I imagine this is due to the location of power in that relationship. It’s generally better to be in a position to help than to be in a position of needfulness. Most people would prefer, I’m sure, to be the […]

Broken

Today my snow globe broke. Scattering sparkles and shards of glass all over the bathroom floor. Sparkly bathroom floor. The last loo roll soaked. Drenched in snow globe innards. Today three letters came at once. Three letters with one message. The Order of Possession. It’s not unfair. It’s just the rules. Having a home is […]

Tips for mental wellbeing.

This evening, I’ve mostly been chain-eating corn thins. (For the uninitiated, they’re like rice cakes, but with extra cardboard.) Well, it’s been a busy week, full of travelling – to exotic locations such as Newmarket, and Birmingham – so I felt the treat was deserved. It’s the small things, isn’t it? I had a bath […]

How it is on a Monday morning

At ten to nine my eyes opened. Still tired, but glad to be pulled away from the nightmare. The usual sort of nightmare; a reminder of failures and failings, my sleeping mind reinforcing waking beliefs about the futility of everything. I wake from imagined reality to the more comfortable doubtful reality. Experiencing the regular sense […]